why I AM and AM NOT a feminist

So that’s a first: I’ve written a very personal post. There won’t be any travel guides here, no pictures of my cute dog and not even a recipe. Just me, myself and my opinion on something. Feminism - wow, couldn’t have chosen a more cliché topic and a more controversial one. So if you don’t give a damn about that, now’s the time to get out of here. Thank you and bye bye! 

(note: I am obviously not a sociologist, neither did I spent hours looking through academic literature to write any of this. I have never been very much interested in studying feminist theories in depth but feel entitled to share my opinions on the basis of well, being a woman.)

I was raised in a very strong feminine energy for a great disapproval of my sociopath father. But guess what: the more he fought against it, the stronger each of us got so here’s one to a perfect irony. By the time I became an independent adult I was hurt and shamed one too many times, seen and experienced way too much for a little girl, and as a result, I’ve grown up with absolutely no trust or real appreciation for men in general, but a strong belief that whatever I need in life, I can provide for myself. Amen.

I love all the women in my family and since they’ve made up for 95% of it for most of my life, this appreciation for a strong and independent female lead is the only one I’ve grown up with. For some reason, none of the men in our lives ever stuck around and the ones that passed by are mostly not worth to be mentioned. The men that did stay and who I’ve grown to love were rather on the mellow side letting themselves to be completely outgrown by our personalities. Real girl power energy.

Considering all this, there are not as many things in my life I feel stronger about than female empowerment. With all my heart, I’ve always fought any signs of discrimination and inequality and am fully committed to do so for the rest of my life. I’m not having any man’s crap and so will not my daughters if I ever have any.

So you might be thinking: sounds pretty feminist to me, but does it really? 

I’ll be honest with you, I have a problem with the very word feminism since I can’t understand how it refers to equality in itself. Don’t get me wrong but if a racist is someone who believes in superiority of his race, it makes feminism sound like a superior thing as well. It might be perhaps due to a very unfortunate grammar but I definitely don’t believe in superiority of my sex. All I believe in and fight for if needed is equality. Hell yeah you ain’t better than me! But you ain’t worse neither. 

Talking about equality though, I have to make myself clear: I do not actually believe for men and women to be equal in every aspect. I strongly believe we should have equal rights and opportunities but the world IS built on our differences and hail glory to that. 

Even more so, I feel confident enough in my femininity to acknowledge the inequality for men when needed (1 year of maternity leave? I don’t know a man who would not be happy to take on a part of this!). 

Feminist narrative is also not one I feel encouraged to be part of - I am not a victim and strongly refuse to be portrayed as one. I mean, you know this story - if I tell you not to think about a pink elephant, you ARE thinking about a pink elephant whether you want it or not. Highlighting how vulnerable and victimised we are will never let us move forward but only creates an endless limbo of disadvantage. Hey ladies, time to change the narrative! 

Lastly, what’s up with a modern image of a feminist - you don’t have to be a successful businesswoman or a single-and-ready-to-mingle 20-something year old to call yourself a feminist. A married woman, a stay at home mum with 3 kids or a teenage girl hopelessly in love with Brad Pitt can also be as strong and independent as any other woman, can’t she? An independent woman can wear pink, paint her nails and care about putting her make up on to look nice for a hot date on Friday. 

Hell yeah, she can! 

So, let’s say, I’m proud to be an equalist and so is every man in my current life, for which i am eternally grateful.

Peace & love,
Maja